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Faerie Tale Theatre: Daydream Believer
You're Engaged - Now What?
I was perusing the magazine section in Borders today and found myself wandering over to the wedding area. I have news for you ladies and gents – once your wedding has passed, the planning and daydreaming does not stop! I've been married to a wonderful man for almost 5 years, and still fantasize about getting married, trying on dresses and choosing china patterns. I'm convinced that I will have a second wedding…perhaps even a third! (To the same man, of course…like I said…wonderful man…terribly in love)
But I digress…
While I was flipping pages and daydreaming I came to a realization. How on earth do people that aren't engrossed in wedding research 24/7 DO THIS? I can't imagine the strain it must put on a person to have stacks of magazines and hoards websites telling you to do this and buy that. Where do you start?
Well…at the risk of being another one of those do this buy that fairies whispering in your ear, I would love to offer some advice. So here it is…
You've gotten engaged – NOW WHAT?
1. Be Engaged! I can't tell you how many brides I hear about getting engaged and immediately running out and buying a binder (very important…see step 4) and a stack of magazines. You love each other. This is a HUGE step in your relationship – not to mention your LIFE. Slow down. Don't skip this phase just because you're excited to get to the next one.
2. Scream it from the rooftops! I remember getting engaged – he picked a romantic location…got down on one knee…used my full name…all of the details and traditions an engagement should include. Before we made it back to the car I was already on the phone screaming that we're getting married! Traditionally, the bride's parents are told first, then the groom's. Also, you want to tell them in person if at all possible. From that point, feel free to flash that rock and tell everyone you run into the good news. People may get annoyed, but SO WHAT – YOU'RE ENGAGED!
3. Pick a date! Choosing your wedding date is the single most important decision you can make when it comes to planning. It not only determines the feel of your wedding, but also can affect logistics such as cost, travel and availability. For example, a Friday wedding may cost up to 50% less than a Saturday event. If you live in a snow-prone location, a December wedding could lead to delays, cancellations and missing guests. Also, booking a wedding during "peak season" could mean that the best vendors get snatched up before you have a chance at them. Figure out what kind of bride you want to be – a chic fall bride? A classic summer bride? A dramatic winter bride? Start big and work your way down. Choose a season, then a month, week, etc. Also be sure to factor in how long you want to be engaged and how many months you think it will take you to get organized and put together an event.
4. Go shopping! Yes – the moment you've been waiting for! Shop til you drop! Make a list and hit the stores. Top on my list? An office supply store and a book store. You'll want to pick up tons of organizational things such as a 3-ring binder, post-it notes, sticky tabs, pens, highlighters, tape, etc. etc. etc. At the bookstore, I would browse the wedding planning section, perhaps choose one or two books if something jumps out at you, then hit the magazines and buy every different title there is! Magazines are cheap, and offer a boatload of inspiration. You may also want to do a Google search and browse a few top websites, but I've found that the plethora of information can be overwhelming and often out of date.
5. Rip it out! Sit down on the floor, spread out your magazines and start flipping pages. Rip out anything that you like. We're looking for pictures, not content. You should start seeing repeating trends in color, style, etc. in what you're choosing. This is a great way to begin piecing together the details that make your wedding truly YOU. Once you've filled up on eye candy, separate everything into piles – one for flowers, one for décor, dresses, etc. Put these pages in the appropriate section of your well organized 3-ring binder. Then…
6. Walk away. That's right….just walk away. Put the binder in a safe spot for 5-7 days and head for step #1 – be engaged. Make sure that every minute of every conversation with your beloved does not involve wedding planning. He'll be annoyed…you'll get burnt out…bad situation all over. I recommend repeating this step every 1-2 weeks or as needed. Go out to dinner, go snuggle, go for a run, but DO NOT PLAN until…
7. Start planning! Ok…so by this point, you and your future hubby have floated down a bit from cloud 9, you've gotten organized, chosen a date, and have a binder full of ideas and inspiration. Time to get down to business. The top 2 planning things you need to accomplish are finding a checklist and making a budget. I'm not going to tell you how to do either of these things – just do a Google search. There are TONS of resources out there, and most of them will do just fine. Your budget sets the tone for things to come, so be honest. Plan a time to sit down and go through things together. Don't argue or be embarrassed to face what you can and can not afford. Don't compare yourselves to others or stretch yourselves too thin. Your wedding day will be amazing because it's your wedding day, not because you spent an extra 20 grand. Although it is traditional that the bride's parents pay for the wedding, more and more couples have been footing some, if not all, of the bill. If you DO have help, make sure those people are included in the budget planning as well. Beware – money equals power. It's hard to say no to the bridesmaids dresses in Mom's favorite color (that you, of course, hate) when she's paying for them.
8. Start looking for vendors! You are a lady on a mission. By now you know what you want, when you want it, and how much you're willing to pay for it. All you need to do is find out who is going to give it to you! Again, not going to tell you where to find them – become friends with Google. I WILL tell you that just because a vendor is listed on a bunch of those planning websites does NOT mean they are great. Newsflash – they pay to be there. Money equals power…remember? Don't be afraid to use those websites as a starting block, but make sure you do your own research as well. One of the best ways to find vendors is ask your recently married friends, family and coworkers for recommendations. They've been there! Once you have a list of people & places you're interested in, make sure they fit your budget and style qualifications. If they pass the test, give them a call! Most vendors are happy to set up a time to meet with you, discuss your plans and answer your questions. If they don't have time for you, move on.
9. Get out your checkbook! Once you've met with and decided on vendors LOCK THEM DOWN! The good ones go fast, and you don't want to be doing the same work and research over and over again. Make sure you read through the contract and fine print. Most vendors will ask for a deposit to secure services. This can range from a flat fee such as $200-$1500 or more to a percentage of the final cost. Also make sure that your deposit is applied to your final balance and you have a copy of the contract. Not sure how to interview vendors? Again – there is tons of info out there…just do a search.
10. Don't sweat the small stuff! As cliché as it may sound, it's a solid piece of advice. Things will happen. Plans will change. At the end of the day, it is important to be thankful for what you have and remember why this all started – because there is a great person out there that wants to spend the rest of their life with you!
About the Author
Tiffany Babinsack is an award winning wedding photographer that owns/opperates Photographic Memories in Pittsburgh, PA. For more information, tips and tricks, please visit her blog at http://tiffanybabinsack.blogspot.com. To consider booking Tiffany Babinsack and Photographic Memories for an event, please visit her website at http://www.whatwillyouremember.net.
