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Merlin - The End of Queen Mab
Memories of Life. Part Five. My Father
My father was either psychopath or sociopth, my brother said he had read a book called "A psychopath in a suit", all the contents fit my father.
Profile of a Sociopath.
May state readily that their goal is to rule the
- Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
- Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
- Authoritarian
- Secretive
- Paranoid
- Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
- Conventional appearance
- Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
- Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life
- Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
- Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
- Incapable of real human attachment to another
- Unable to feel remorse or guilt
- Extreme narcissism and grandiose
- May state readily that their goal is to rule the world
Related Qualities:
- Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
- Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
- Authoritarian
- Secretive
- Paranoid
- Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
- Conventional appearance
- Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
- Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life
- Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
- Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
- Incapable of real human attachment to another
- Unable to feel remorse or guilt
- Extreme narcissism and grandiose
My grand mother died in 1919 in the influenza epidemic when my father was one year old. Cecil was his older brother. My grand father was a Merchant Seaman and was a Captain who had sailed all over the world. My grand father died before I was born.
There were two brothers Cecil and my father Roland, and John a step-brother who ran away at 14 and landed in Australia, 45 years later he found my father and visited him in New Milton, he was a lovely man and married to Judith. Both are deceased now.
The brothers were looked after by two maiden aunts who ran a nursing home, I wish I could remember the names. I loved Uncle Cecil; he was what I wanted as a father. Then their father sent all off to Merchant Taylor's School in Formby and my father loved it, he felt secure for the first time in his life and then the war came and he joined the army as a Captain and loved that because it was secure. He was sent to Nigeria.
My father was an angry man, he called me, a barge barrel, fat and ugly, and I ended up that way, until I met my husband.I was told no man will ever marry me, and so on. My father was a gentleman to those he never knew, and a devil to those who lived with him. He was angry nearly every day and was insulting rude and swore at everyone and often went into a rage. When I was small I would hide behind the coach and wet myself. I was so frightened of him that I would send my brother into his office for our weekly spending money, starting at threepence, then sixpence, then a shilling. One day he asked me into the office and asked why I never came in to ask for my weekly money and I said that " You frighten me", and he smiled and said I was silly, and that I should not be frightened.
When he visited us in Canada Eliz was so excited. He woke early and they both went for a walk. They walked round the block to the corner store and Eliz said to my father this is where Mummy comes and sometimes buys me sweets. They both came home and my father came into the kitchen said my daughter was devious and told me about the sweet story. I told him she was only a child, but he could not see it and we had a row. My heart was beating so hard as he was talking about my baby.
Elizabeth and her Grand father no hug, just standing far apart. When he came there were no gifts for the children. Nothing.
He wanted me to leave the family and spend time with him so I did. We went to a bar, I don't go to bars and he drank and bought me a drink. My father talked about his life he did not ask about mine and I tried to talk about my children but he did not care about them, he kept talking about the man he loved himself again. I listened and could not wait for him to go back to England.
We tried so hard to show him Banff the lakes and we went camping and he slept in the van higher off the ground and yet he moaned.
He was not a grandfather that sat his grandchildren on his knee, they were a threat, I do not know why. They never got birthday cards or presents. They were never thought of at all.
Eliz on Santa's knee.
Living through my father's women was hard to do.After my mother died he sent my brother back to school and three weeks later he went driving to different places looking for a housekeeper. There was no reason for a housekeeper as I was not helpless, but really I knew it was to find a new girlfriend or wife, a woman. I don't know what newspaper he put the ads in but we went all over the UK. We went from the sublime person to the ridiculous, fur coats and high heels to dyed yellow hair with sensible shoes. Some stayed for the weekend but we never heard from them again.
This is Grandpa Don's step-father. Now she has had hugs from him Grandma Rose.
In order to marry Mabel my father went after her. He bought the dress shop she worked in, had no idea about fashion and could not understand why the stock had to be changed from maxi to a mini skirt. In the end she did marry him and he bought her gifts, then they were married.
A Methodist who married a Pub owner
MABEL 1998
A nurse at the nursing home kindly sent me this picture.
MABEL, JEREMY AND CHUCHI
Mabel was a Methodist, and went to church every Sunday and I went with her when we visited. Before my father Mabs and Jeremy had a comfy life and home. I was in London when he sent a letter to say he had got married and I must call Mabs mum. By then I was cold to all his requests and I wrote back in shock to say I already had a mum and I will call his new wife Mabel.
You can be stupid in love whether you are young or old and my father's charm won the day. When I met Mabel I was not sure if I liked her or not but over time we were left in each other's company while he went out and found a girlfriend Margaret. Mabel and I grew to love each other as mother and daughter and Jeremy her son was treated like dirt by my father. He was given jobs to do and he never did them to my father's satisfaction. He would find fault in everything he did. My father could only stand a one on one relationship; Jeremy would stay out of the way of Dad and live in his room. My father hated him and had nothing but complaints. Jeremy was actually a kind sensitive boy who was verbally abused like the rest of us. He was little when I first knew him he was 6 years younger than I. He grew up and every time I visited grew and took up weight lifting and was buff. He had lovely kind eyes and was a threat to my father in his house. Luckily he kept his mother safe.
Jeremy loved snakes and he bought a Python and Mabs told me that the snake was getting really big and one day he let it out of its glass box and so it was slithered down the stairs and the do bell went and some Jehovah Witness's were at the door and took one look at the snake and made a swift retreat.
I remember another time we visited and this was another python, the last was given to the zoo, and this one was so big it was in a huge container made of plexi glass. Elizabeth was two and she knelt down looking at the python and the python looking at her. Believe me when I say the snake could have had her as a snack it was that big and round. Jeremy gave it live rabbits to eat and had to go all the way to Chesterfield eight miles away to buy them. I could not even think of such a thing, I love animals so looking into their soft eyes would have made me cry.
In the end Mabs and my father got a divorce, and she moved to Starkholmes Road, into a house. I always thought my father bought it for her, no such luck he paid a little and Jeremy paid the mortgage, they lost so much because of him, the abuse of Jeremy was beyond any I had known which brought us closer as brother and sister. I of course always stayed in touch and when we lived in England would visit all the time, while my father took off with his girlfriend Margaret to Highcliffe, Hants and bought a bed and breakfast without a mortgage. My father never married Margaret and she changed her surname to Oliver. She left her husband , a pub and three sons. She was just right for my father.
My father sent Mabs 2.00 pounds a month---wow. When we visited we had so much fun because she was so much fun. Mabs would get the shopping for the old dears she called them, and visit them, and never go out without a hat and handbag just like the Queen Mother.
We would drive to Chesterfield, and the moors and all over Derbyshire. I remember we had a Renault and there was this very steep hill and we tried to drive up it, we went up a bit and we came down a bit, it just would not go. Too steep. We loved to go out for Pub lunches and we stretched her view of food to Indian food,a restaurant in Matlock Bath, she had never eaten a curry, so we chose a mild one it had fruit in it and she loved it. She loved going there when we came up from Hants.
Balti and Tandoori Restuarant Matlock Bath.
My father never knew of our relationship. Mabs was my true friend. One day my father wanted his wicked way with Mabs even though he was having an affair with Margaret. Jeremy soon put my father in his place and put a stop to that. Shortly after they divorced. I always felt safe with Jeremy around.
Mabel had been a widow before she wed, so I am not sure if she lost the pension or not.
DON with Genevieve.
Mabs loved Don my husband. She cooked up a storm when he came and at Christmas she made mountains of mince pies which we enjoyed.
We were her daughter and son. It was such a relief to not live in an atmosphere and when I got married to Don I knew I had married a man who loved me for what I was and we could live a life of fun. Mabs fell in love with him too and called him her teddy bear. When we went at Christmas we bought so many gifts she could not believe it. She loved the handbag I bought, she used it all the time. Sometimes tears fill my eyes knowing she is no longer with us.
When my father found out we visited Mabs he was really angry that I had chose Mabel's side. I always stayed in touch with Mabs. We were friends and she always introduced me as her daughter. When I had Genevieve she would insist that we go out on our own for the day and she would look after Gen. She was about a year old. We showed her how to put nappies on (diapers) it made no difference, they were back to front when we got home. She would go out with the buggy and visit all her friends or go for a coffee at a local café with Gen in her buggy and show her off to everyone. Always walking through the Matlock park.
When we went back to Canada and it was our last visit until we left, we knew then that there was something wrong with Mabel. She told us to go out on our own and we said we wanted her to come but she insisted she would stay and look after Genevieve. As we were going out the door she came down stairs fully dressed to go out with her hat, gloves and coat. We knew then her mind was going. When we drove down the road on our last day, she stood in the middle or the road, which was a crescent, and she stood and waved to us, I could see she was crying and she never cried, she was a strong person, but this seemed different.
At Christmas Jeremy phoned and asked us if we were coming for Christmas and I said " No, what gave you hat idea?" and he said the Mum had been wandering the streets of Matlock looking for us in the middle of the night, calling out for us and the police found her and brought her home. In a small place everyone knows each other was so upset that I could not go. We did not have the money and Don was at school. Jeremy eventually had to put her in a home, which was lovely, and I would call her and our conversations were unusual but she still knew Don and me. It got to the point when she did not understand a word I said.
Gen and I went to England in 1999. Not only had my son found me but my father after finding out that I had found my son had to drive up to see his adopted mother and explain why Andrew had been adopted. There was not need and Daphne really did not want the visit but my father always did what he wanted. He told Daphne that I would have taken Andrew down to London. How I knew nothing about life, I had no money and I had never thought of that. He had a pub and I could have worked in it. That never crossed his mind. My boyfriend and his family were given their marching orders and my father decided to sue them that was in May. My mother died in October of the same year. I was dropped off at Chesterfield Hospital and stood alone in January. I was abused in the hospital by my father and he was thrown out, but when I got home he would break into my bedroom at 3.00 am and shout waking us both up and said I had to have the bastard adopted. This happened for months I was clinging to life by then. Mrs, Rosling took me away in the day to her daughter Una's and I spent the the day with her but at night it was frightening, I had no money because he gave me non. I was looking after by the people who worked for my father. The Social Worker was a dream Miss Knott, she could not believe that I would give my baby away after 3 months. The doctor knew I was going through the mill and gave me anti depressants and said that my father should be on them and more. I had Andrew adopted. I went back to London to the Beauty Clinic in Baker Street, my father said he would continue paying until I passed my exams. He got rid of us both. I am really glad that my son was adopted, living through a life I had would not have been a gift.
About the Author
My name is Susan Oliver. I was born in England and now live in Canada. I love the arts, and now I want to write, mainly for my children. I have seen many things, lived with and without love, made some friends that changed my life and held me together, when I was torn apart, and when it comes to it I guess I am a recluse. Yet when you talk to me you would never know that. I make people happy so my husband says, and help those who need a friendly word. I have a huge family who are and never have been a part of my life. Mainly from England just in case the Canadians get snippy. I love Jesus, animals, and beauty in people. I just wish we loved each other more instead of judging each other's skills. I am writing Memories of Life and a Poetical Life. I need to. This portion of my life is now the time for me to open up and not be afraid. I have only a few chosen friends that kept me going through life when I could not see a future. These are the stars of my universe.
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